i deserve it

saya sayang diri saya..

yeahh..
it is not about what had happened to me.
but it was a scary one.
the incident happened again
where i'm afraid of questions from peers and persons
yeah
it happened once last time
when my friends got the chances of scholarships and study oversea.
where i failed to get one.
where i failed in realizing my interview session
where i felt very regret
where i just want to live alone without people asking me 'you got it?'


it happened right now. i mean few hours ago.
when my finger clicked on a button
where people clicked on it too.
where they wonder 'what would they get in their exam'
where i.. *speechless* and said nothing i can do to fix it now
i just can wait very patiently for upcoming tests
where there,i can do better.
why was i late of realizing
why i never learnt from mistakes i did

i feel like i don't deserve good things
but still i stood. never wake up. nor gain conciousness
urghhh...
pity for those people like me.
and i hope for better future.
where i can make THEM smiling all days long
where i can put a trust of myself.
where i am not avoiding those related questions

where i can smile,hapyy, enjoying,grateful and always say alhamdulillah.
doesn't mean i am not keep the qada' and qadar
i just want it to flow very smooth
no obstacle
no objection
no regretful

 if there is stairs towards success,
could i buy one
where i can use it
always.
pray for me, and i pray for you
i'm only insan biasa. who seek for here and hereafter.